Topics
08.05.10

How To Take Power?

Do you want power? Yes, you do. You simply haven’t dared to take it into your own hands. But now it’s easier than ever before. Look around you. Power is just lying there on the ground. Pick it up and make it your own. Read this brochure and you’ll have everything you need to take power.

A NEW FORCE. Describe yourself as a “NEW Force”.

No country’s people are satisfied with their rulers. Use that. Say that you’re “DIFFERENT”. Say that you’re the “ALTERNATIVE”. But the main thing is: say that you’re “NEW”.

People like new things.

STRUCTURE. Be exactly like the old parties internally.

Over the years, the old parties have tested what the most effective structure is. The most effective structure is as follows:

* As many members as possible.

* As many regional leaders as possible.

* As few actual decision-makers as possible.

There can be eight to ten actual decision-makers.

They lead the party and dictate all the more important decisions to the party. Remember. Eight to ten. Not more!

PLATFORM. Fuck it.

PROMISES. Promise to do everything completely differently!

To do that – copy the promises of other parties and multiply with your own coefficient:

* If other parties promise to raise wages, your coefficient is “twice as much”.

* If other parties promise to reduce taxes, your coefficient is “four times lower”.

* If other parties promise fewer immigrants, your coefficient is “sixteen times fewer”. Promises are everything. Promise everything.

Avoid moments when your party has to DO something. This may be the beginning of your party’s decline.

REALLY DOING SOMETHING. Fuck it.

JOURNALIST. Find a journalist with problems in his personal life.

He’s either in debt, dissatisfied with his occupation, has problems with alcohol, or is stupid.

* Contact him.

* Be nice to him.

* Pay his debts.

* Tell him that the fourth power is in his hands.

* Drink with him.

* Tell him that he’s intelligent.

Win the journalist over. He’s your party’s greatest asset.

Not your party’s members. No. They simply EXIST.

The journalist – you NEED him.

THE MASSES. Always speak to the masses. You can never have too many supporters. Fear the moment when you have too few supporters.

Don’t read left-wing newspapers, ignore the media’s grousing, and compare the snobbism of intellectuals with snake dicks. You need the masses.

PICTURES. Focus on pictures.

Disgorge as many pictures as possible into public space.

People are capable of grasping two times more pictorial information than verbal information.

Pictures have a more emotional effect than words.

Pictures excite – words put people to sleep.

Use pictures, pictures, pictures.

VICTIM. Play the victim.

Say that the other parties are against you.

Say that even in your childhood, you already felt that society was unfair towards you.

If possible, say that for some strange reason, the police frequently stop your car.

Hint that other politicians have threatened you in private conversations.

Deface your own election posters yourself at night and thereafter be publicly sad.

Say that you hate nothing more in the world than injustice and vow to fight it.

Be Spartacus, not Kennedy.

Why be a victim? Because every human being thinks he/she is a victim.

MAN. Be a man.

Be a man with balls. With two balls. Use women on the front line as a human shield.

Pretty young women with a slightly slutty gaze are the best.

Your own wife has to quickly produce two children, a retriever and a nice recipe for a tasty dish. Pose in your kitchen with your wife and retriever. But: Be an alpha male.

EMOTIONS. Show your feelings in public.

Don’t be some under control geek who only spouts intelligent talk. Instead, yell, cry, rejoice, dance, laugh, shout with joy, threaten, curse.

On average, emotions are 150 times more effective among the masses than speeches on balancing the budget.

POSTER. Pose for your poster in a suit jacket on a neutral background.

Your gaze is the most important aspect. It has to be powerful.

Practice your gaze in the mirror at home beforehand.

Show yourself as a man who fears nobody and will get down to work right away. (NB! Continue as before to avoid moments when you actually have to get down to work.)

INTIMACY. Be intimate. Use every opportunity to be among the people.

Meet with people at the gates of outdoor markets, in supermarkets, on buses.

Rumours that you have been seen on the bus or at the outdoor market spread rapidly.

Be a man of the people. Dress simply when in the public eye. Crack dumb jokes.

Even if you hate the people, act as if you’re one of them.

FOUR MAGIC WORDS. The most important magic words are: “me”, “you”, “they”, and “us”.

“Me” say it briefly, decisively, with a stern voice. Be Moses, not the fourth disciple from the right. Whenever possible, strike your chest with your fist every time you say “me”.

This defines you as a vigorous and charismatic leader.

“You” say it amicably, openly, warmly.

Every time you say “you”, point your finger at some particular person.

This creates a closeness between not only you and that specific person but also between you and the masses.

“Them” say it angrily, furiously, predatorily.

Whenever possible, always shake your fist or point at someplace in the distance when you use the word “them” – at the place where “they” live (usually Africa).

Figure out who the enemy of the masses is and make him your enemy as well. Vow to destroy the enemy. Say “them” and bare your fangs.

“Us” say it idealistically, with feeling, with pride. Always spread your arms apart when you say “us” as if you want to hug everybody.

You unite yourself and the masses with the word “us”.

Even more so: you actually create “us” with the word “us”. Use it.

SEX. Be beautiful and charismatic.

If you aren’t beautiful or charismatic, go sell shoes.

Create an image of yourself as a very sexy man:

* Have a traditional family but have yourself photographed frequently with young women.

* If you’re gay, appear in public only with your wife and attack gays. (Actually, you can always attack gays.)

* Have lovers but don’t get caught. (Except if your market is France. In that case, definitely get caught.)

IMMIGRANTS AND MONEY. Always make them your main theme.

Whatever the topic of conversation, always bring up immigrants or money. Blame immigrants for all problems and vow to reduce their numbers. Complain that there’s too little money and promise to increase the amounts.

“Immigrants” and “money”. These two concepts sum up all the fears, dreams and wishes of people nowadays.

TELEVISION. Define your voter not as left- or right-wing but as a television viewer. You can be in the papers, but you have to be on TV.

Why? Because television is pictures and you have the chance to be emotional.

Never forget that when starting a debate in television, the first thing you have to do is tell a stupid joke.

STARS. Surround yourself with stars.

Prefer actors and musicians because they are the most popular and the dumbest, thus identifying best with the masses.

From among actors, definitely prefer film actors

EVENT. Every appearance of yours has to be an event. Hire a well-known director as your assistant to stage your entrance into the room, the behaviour of the audience, the camera angles, your poses, your packaging, your gestures.

Don’t forget – politics is theatre.

You don’t need ideas, concepts and programmes, you need large-scale events and powerful emotions.

SPORTS. Be athletic. Definitely try to appear sweaty in pictures but avoid stupid expressions or looking silly. Don’t be afraid to wear Lycra, it works in your favour.

THE PAST, THE PRESENT AND THE FUTURE. Use the words “the past” to describe good times that existed once upon a time but which have passed by now. Use the words “the present” to describe the present time, which is gloomy according to other parties.

Remember: “the present” always has to be dark!

Use the words “the future” to pledge that the past will return, but it will only return with you.

In short.

“The past” = our ancestors. “The present” = our enemies. “The future” = us.

LUCK. You need tons of luck. But remember: only the strong are lucky.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UNIFIED ESTONIA DVD


THE ANTHEM OF UNIFIED ESTONIA

Contact

e-mail: info@eestieest.ee

Edicy - ehita koduleht!